It
is very challenging to be parents. You will go through a lot of joy
and sorrow in the process. The adorable children may sometimes be
very demanding to test our boundaries. You may get emotionally
frustrated at their behaviour or character. The good news is that it
is very normal to have this reaction.
We, as parents, at
times find it overwhelming with our children's misbehaviour. When
such situation crops up, it is the best time to stop for a while and
think about how to manage such situation. What I would normally do is
that I'll do my prayer first and meditate on it thereafter. It takes
me a while to see from the first person perspective as a mother to
the third person perspective as an observer. It is very helpful for
us to go through the process as a third person trying to observe and
understand what is happening for the mother and child. It is less
emotional intense as in a first person position.
We need to
sit down and relax to ask ourselves the following questions:
1)
What is happening?
2) Why I am so upset?
3) What is the need of
my child? (getting attention, power and control and so on)
4) What
is my expectation of my child?
5) What is my own need?
6) How
can I calm down myself first?
7) Do I have support from my spouse,
friends, relatives or other parents?
8) What is my belief and
value of parenting?
9) Do I have any interests or hobbies?
After
we pause and think, we will be able to plan for the best strategies
and take action. Following that we take action and evaluate our goals
and strategies of parenting whether we are moving towards our goals
or away from my goals.
The important message for parents is to take good care of ourselves physically, emotionally and mentally. Only with these we can take good care of our children. As parents, we shall give ourselves space and time to do our reflection and reading books or information on parenting, personal and spiritual growth. When we are stressed and frustrated with our work or other matters, it is very hard for us to refocus and center on the needs of our children. Only when we are nourished and our needs were met, we shall be more able to attend to the needs of our children.
Copyright
(c) 2004-2007, Mak Wai Chong, All rights
reserved.
http://www.WiseParents.net.
Ms Mak Wai Chong, a mother of 3 children, is a freelance trainer and counsellor. She has worked as social worker and counsellor for 17 years. Visit her website at http://www.WiseParents.net for prenatal training and parenting information and FREE newsletters.
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